my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
