Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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