plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
