you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
