she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
