if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
