yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
