i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
