i think my tv is drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
