somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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