he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He passed out mid-signature
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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