ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
