so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
