So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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