If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
