I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
