got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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