Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
