Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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