Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
