Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
