i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
