And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
