is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
farters have to be the big spoon...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
