It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
