its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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