I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
