I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
