when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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