i would punch a child for taco bell
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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