I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
