Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
