K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
