just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dignity is for republicans.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
