maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
