I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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