Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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