In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
