i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No subtext here. People are naked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
