I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
