Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
