he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
