Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
