Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
