Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
