i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
