you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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