plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
