we have officially lost it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
