Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
