Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
