So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I skipped work to stalk him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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